Money Talk: How to Stop Sabotaging Yourself
Does a wave of anxiety wash over you right before your open your checking account to see how much money is left there? If you struggle with your finances- whether it is spending too much, making too little, or not being able to save anything- then you might want to keep reading because the hidden reason laying behind it might surprise you.
Our beliefs shape our reality. Our beliefs construct a framework and we act and speak and set our goals within. And as I’ve started noticing all around me, we all have some toxic beliefs about ourselves in relation to money.
I always thought that I was just “not good with money” and that I wasn’t the type who would be able to actually save anything ever. And I was right. Until I realized that it actually might be my own beliefs about myself and money that were causing this mess.
I realized it was these beliefs that acted as a self-imposed ceiling by which I kept sabotaging myself without even realizing it. So I changed the narrative in my head. I started believing I could get myself out of debt and start putting money aside instead of spending it all and guess what? I-was-right.
Ladies, it is time to talk about our money mindsets.
Let’s start with defining what it actually is:
Money mindset is your mental approach and attitude towards your finances generated by a collection of your beliefs about money.
When it comes down to it we can distinguish two opposite money mindsets: scarcity mindset vs. abundance mindset. Most of us unfortunately operate with the first mentioned one and the one prominent underlying belief is: “There is just not enough money.”
This belief builds the basis for the scarcity mindset. If you believe there is not enough money you’ll either always sell yourself short OR if you manage to make a good amount of money you’ll spend it all.
This is because if you believe there is not enough money, you’ll either won’t let them enter your space in the first place or the other way, if you make money you’ll have this unconscious urge to get them out of your space.
Your beliefs become self-fulfilling.
Read carefully the following sentences. These are one of the most common toxic money beliefs most of us act upon:
1) I’m just not good with money.
2) I’d have to work way too hard to become wealthy and I must sacrifice things like my health and relationships in order to be wealthy.
3) I am a good and honest woman and it would be selfish to even want to have a lot of money.
4) It is not possible to make money while doing something I love and if it is, I am definitely not the one of the few who deserve it. You must either be unhappy and rich or happy and broke.
5) Money is the root to all evil
The roots of these beliefs usually lie in the way we were brought and the way we saw our family approach the topic. Many of us grew up in families where money was an emotionally charged subject.
Maybe your parents were extremely hardworking but never seemed to get ahead financially.
Maybe you kept hearing you parents/grandparents talk about how the politicians only steal their money and how all the rich were evil.
Maybe your family was in debt or there were awful fights over inheritance.
Maybe your family DID have money but they would hoard it and wouldn’t let a cent get away let alone donate a thing.
Let’s take a look at few tips on what you can do to shift your mindset and defeat these money blocks.
How to make the shift
I invite you to identify your own limiting beliefs you hold about yourself and money. Think about what it is that is holding you back and how that belief came to be. I would recommend instead of only thinking about it, really sit down and write it down.
2. Forgive yourself
Once you’ve identified your own limiting beliefs and their sources you might start feeling angry or sad- I want you to feel it all out. And then forgive yourself. Do not forget, you were acting this way so long for a reason and it is amazing you are now here trying to make a change. We all are imperfect being and we grow by learning from our mistakes.
3. Change the narrative
Hell yeah, it is time to start writing a new story about yourself! Start by applying the abundance money mindset and know that there is enough money. By changing the narrative you’ll start seeing opportunities where you before saw only walls.
4. Take action
Maybe it is time to ask for a raise or increase the amount you charge for your services. Whatever it is, do it. You might be scared but that is just our nature. We are supposed to fear things that lay outside our comfort zones, things that might challenge us. Nobody is fearless. There is only people who stay comfortable or the people who act despite their fear and grow.
This one is so important! Oprah said: “Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.” Don’t we all need a little bit more gratitude in our lives?
Now the most important part- I want to hear from you. Have you ever identified a limiting belief about yourself that was holding you back? Or are you experiencing that right now? How did you beat it or how are you planning to beat it?
I believe that as women we should be able to talk about money more openly with each other and by sharing our stories lift each other up.
Therefore I invite you to share with us your story and have an awesome day.