In the realm of mentorship, trust serves as the invisible yet indispensable thread that binds mentors and mentees together on their journey of growth and development. It is the foundation upon which fruitful relationships are constructed, enabling open dialogue, vulnerability, and mutual support. In this article, I'd like to explore the intricate dynamics of trust within mentoring sessions, illuminating its significance in fostering authentic connections and facilitating meaningful learning experiences. I'll navigate you through the nuances of trust-building in mentorship, uncovering essential strategies and insights to cultivate trust and empower both mentors and mentees to thrive in their collaborative pursuit of personal and professional excellence.
As you may have heard the saying: "Trust is hard to earn, but so easy to lose."...It’s true. Without trust there is only a very shallow relationship which actually cannot survive anything tougher. You cannot go deeper with your mentee and really help them appropriately. You may not even tell them your personal stories if you feel like they could share it anywhere. If there is trust, there is also a relaxed atmosphere and learning can begin. Both sides can share what they want and need. Therefore, it’s important from the beginning to focus on small details and build the connection and trust step by step.
The mentoring process is a very special process. You need to create this safe place as soon as possible.
So here are a few tips to start:
With this in mind, you can create a trustworthy relationship very quickly. But definitely, you have to be consistent; all these tips apply for the whole mentoring journey. You are the manager of the process; you set the rules.
Even after the basic rules are set, then you can openly communicate. Where the most negative experience with the mentor is that the mentor doesn’t listen actively. What does it mean? Active listening isn’t an easy skill at the beginning, but you can definitely learn it. You listen to the whole expression of the mentee. Not only what is being said, but also what’s not being said. What is the body language, the tone of their voice, why they are telling the story. What is their mindset, their outlook on the situation, where are the limits in their head. And after that, you can share your story that can inspire them, that is possible. You can share with them some tips and maybe explain that to achieve such a goal their attitude needs to change. With all of this, the mentee can feel understood, seen, and taken care of, which definitely helps with creating a deeper bond between you two.
What is also important is to create a non-judgmental space and put aside quick resolutions to problems. As a mentor, you never know the whole story of your mentee; you don’t know why they behave in such and such a way, why they are not successful with their goals yet. So instead of making inappropriate comments, it’s better to ask questions.
With these questions, you can enhance trust. But don’t expect to hear the deepest thoughts from your mentee at the beginning. Your relationship is constantly evolving.
What also helps is to maintain authenticity throughout the whole process. Present yourself as an expert in your area, but also show your journey to your expertise. Tell them about your start and maybe that your journey had some setbacks in your mindset or you failed many times before you were successful. Now with all of your expertise, you can give them some shortcuts.
In mentor/ mentee relationships, the biggest disappointments lie in the unmet expectations. Expectations of both of you need to be realistic, goals should be doable in 6 months, otherwise communicated. You as a mentor should set expectations by announcing the topic for the session, timing of session cancellations, and also consequences of not doing the tasks. If not respected, the rules you can use these kinds of questions:
It's really important to communicate your concerns as soon as possible to avoid continuing this behavior. With your action, you show the mentee that you want the best for them and that they take the most out of the mentoring journey.
As a mentor, you can ask for feedback at the end of the session to be sure that the shared information was really valuable.
Trust is the alpha and omega of any relationship. So please don’t underestimate it. Some actions you can’t turn back!
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