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This is the third article in a four-part series written by Leon Ler, one of the mentors in the Femme Palette community. In the first piece, he gave us a framework for turning difficult conversations into productive ones. In the second, he showed us why solving the problem before investigating it changes everything about how teams work. Now, in part three, Leon tackles something we all struggle with more than we like to admit: explaining what is in our head in a way that actually lands for someone else.
You need to understand a concept you are not familiar with. You open the documentation. You read the first paragraph. Then the second. You scroll down, find a diagram, study it for a moment, scroll back up. You re-read the first paragraph.
Ten minutes later you close the tab more confused than when you opened it.
The concept itself was not so complicated, and the documentation is understandable. But only by one person, the one who wrote it.
Sounds familiar?
Most of us have great ideas, opinions, knowledge. But when it comes to explaining them to someone else we often seem to hit a wall. what is clear to us is somehow not clear to anyone else. Both of you find yourself frustrated. You don't understand how the person in front of you is not getting something so simple. They don't understand why you think it is so simple if you spent the last 20 minutes explaining it and they still don't know what you're talking about.
Here's the strange thing though. We're terrible at explaining ideas to each other, but somehow we manage to teach children complex things. How to read. How money works. Why the sky is blue. We do it without thinking twice, because we automatically simplify. We strip it down to what matters and find the right words.
So why don't we do that with adults?
Every time I need to explain something, I imagine I'm explaining it to a 4-year-old. Not because the person I'm talking to is childlike, but because that constraint forces clarity. Here's the framework I use.
We love to use pronouns. We know what we are talking about so we don't need the specific details. But vague language hides fuzzy thinking. When you force yourself to name the thing clearly, your brain has to get specific.
"He came in and hated it. Now she has to redo everything. It's so bad that it needs to go through the whole thing again."
vs.
"The client came in and hated the design. Now the architect has to redo the entire plan. The change is so big that it needs a new approval from the committee."
Which one is easier to understand?
Before you introduce something new, anchor it to something your audience already knows. The brain needs a hook.
Telling someone "we use transformer-based neural networks for semantic text classification" will earn you a confused look. But saying "it's like autocomplete, but instead of finishing your sentence, it understands what your sentence is about." gets you to "Oh this is cool!"
You're not dumbing it down. You're giving people's brain a place to put the new idea.
Which of these says more?
"I have a deep passion for regularly spearheading holistic and authentic peer-to-peer tech-enabled events for a wide array of extensive professionals in the commerce, technology, and financial markets space, including venture-backed founders, institutional buy-side financial professionals..."
Or:
"I organize parties for entrepreneurs, investors, and business people."
Same job. One of those people gets invited to speak at conferences. The other gets politely redirected to the FAQ.
The reality is not a LinkedIn post. Jargon doesn't make you sound smarter. It makes your idea harder to remember, harder to repeat, and harder to say yes to.
Before you explain an idea, drill down to its real core. Keep asking why until you hit something undeniable.
For example:
In autumn, leaves turn brown and fall off the trees.
Why? Because the tree stops sending nutrients to the leaves.
Why? Because the tree enters a dormant state to protect itself from the cold.
Why? Because frozen leaves would destroy the tree from the inside.
Why? Because leaves contain water that expands when it freezes and ruptures cells.
Why? Because ice takes up more space than water.
So why in autumn, leaves turn brown and fall off the trees? Because if they stayed on the tree, the water inside them would freeze, expand, and destroy the tree, and the tree doesn't want that.
You can't explain a car to a person that doesn't know what a wheel is. Every idea is a construct - build it one understandable block at a time.
Let's make an example.
With these six simple blocks we have just explained what a heart attack is.
Check if your audience understood what you explained. The best way to do it is to ask them to explain it back to you. Not "did you get it?" or "does that make sense?" Everyone says yes to those. You need to actually hear them say it back in their own words.
It kills two birds with one stone.
First, the act of explaining something back actually solidifies it in their memory. People remember what they say out loud far better than what they hear.
Second, if they didn't get it right, you get a front row seat to exactly where your explanation broke down. Which means next time, you'll do it better.
Getting your ideas across isn't about talking more, or knowing more, or using better buzzwords. It's about doing the work to translate what's in your head into something that genuinely lands in someone else's.
Name it. Anchor it. Simplify it. Test it. Stack it. Check it.
If a 4 year old would understand it, so will everyone else.
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